Not An Observant Jew In SIght!

Dear Abby,

My parents don't keep anything in Judaism, and I'm pretty much the only one keeping it. Two years ago I kept kosher (I didn't eat any meat) and kept Shabbat perfectly.

I live in a place where there are no young Jews who keep Judaism. I'm now 18 years old. My friends (non-Jewish) go to all kind of things every Friday evening. They go to discos, pubs and wtvr, and it's very frustrating that they don't call me anymore to hang out with them, even on other non-Shabbat days.

As the time passed by I got farther away from them. I prayed hard for this to go over, but in vain. In other words I feel that me practicing Judaism was a social mistake, because I lost my friends because of it.

At the same time I've got so many doubts about Judaism. So what I decided to do is, that I put off my Jewish observance and reestablish my friendship with my earlier friends again till the time, when I'll move to an area where Jews live.

I just don't think Hashem wants people to live in loneliness. You are actually the first one I write/talk to about this, since no one hereunderstands my problem. Specially not my parents.
I've some MSN Jewish frum contacts, but they don't really have so much interest in having online friends, since they already in their real life have other frum friends. I think my situation is special.

Waiting for Frum Friends


Dear Waiting,

Of course I worry about you losing your connection to Judaism, but I’m VERY concerned about the depression. How depressed are you? Do you sleep okay? Have you lost weight? Have you talked about this with your parents? What do they say?

A little family therapy here would be very helpful. Family therapists recognize the importance of kids developing their own identities and helping the family adjust to the growing, very different person that they call their child.

It sounds like you have to fake having the identity of your non-Jewish friends to have friends. You may regret that later, especially if you fall in love with a non-Jewish girl and lose your Judaism altogether. Religious rituals and beliefs (like the idea that HasShem is with you at all times), translate into having major psychological coping strategies and a sense of community which you know you need.

So you don’t want to lose that, and your family might help you get it-- hard for me to say. If you're depressed, though, get some professional help for yourself for sure.

I’d start with family therapy and/or individual therapy if at all possible. Be honest with your parents about your emotional distress. You could sure use some empathy and understanding from the people who have invested so much in you.

Let me know how it goes and good luck,

Frum Abby