Camp's not so fun for this one

B"SD

Dear Frum Abby,

I'm an over-night camp counselor for twelve year old girls and am having many problems keeping them happy and getting them to listen to rules. A couple of them are very needy for attention and take up all of my time, and the rest don't get enough of my attention. The ones who do are the ones I don't really like to be with.

Not only that, but I'm pretty sure that a couple of the girls need a lot more help than I can give them and should be seeing a psychiatrist or something.

What should I do? I've told the head of the camp and he says it's only a few weeks, he's sure I can get through this. I'm not so sure. I feel like I want to quit, but I know I can't do that.

Camped Out

Dear Camped,

It's not such a simple problem, as you've discovered. Some people think that if they send their kid to camp that the kid will just follow the crowd and do what's right or at least "normal." But indeed, kids are just miniature adults, and you know how weird and crazy we grown-ups can be. So why should kids be any easier?

Anyway, I'm going to go with the worst possible scenario because if it happens then you would feel just terrible for the rest of your life, and who needs the guilt? And that's protecting the kids if they're a danger to themselves or others. Your job is basically to get those kids back home in one piece.

You have to ask the ones who seem really sad,out of it, or demanding, if there is any possibility that they might harm themselves or anyone else. That's the ikur, the most important thing to know. It applies in almost any situation when dealing with other kids, your age, older, younger, doesn't matter. Ask with complete sincerity and concern, in private. You don't have to be a counselor to be asking the question, by the way, to people who seem depressed or extremely angry, distant or emotional. If the individual says "YES", don't work on solving his or her problem. TELL someone who is in charge, a camp director, teacher, parent. You'll be heard. Tell even if you were told not to tell. Asking won't necessarily save a life. Telling will.

But let's say that's not happening, that the kids are not hurting themselves or others. Then you have to make sure the ones who are not acting needy are okay, too. The old saying, THE SQUEAKY WHEEL GETS THE OIL (or something like that) is very true, and it's not fair.

Definitely attend to the good kids, the ones who are not causing trouble or needing attention. Have fun with them and enjoy them and your time away from home this summer. The kids who are causing you trouble may become more like them if you do. But that, of course, depends upon what's driving their demanding behavior, and you probably can't control that. If you want to try, get a degree in social work, medicine, counseling or psychology when you're older. You're right for the job!

Good luck,

Frum Abby